Things you’ll hate about me..

  • I’m an emotional mess.
  • I have awful mood swings.
  • My hair always looks crap and weird.
  • My lack realization of how much other people care about me.
  • How dependent I am on others.
  • How often I feel stupid.
  • I’m just not that great at putting my feelings into words.
  • When I’m alone with my thoughts, I think of the perfect things to say. But when it comes to confrontation, pressure or the time to lay it all on the table; I get tongue tied and say the wrong things… sometimes I even say the complete opposite of what I intended.
  • I push people away.
  • I complicate things.
  • I hurt the ones I love the most.
  • I cause drama for myself.
  • I’m a burden to other people.
  • I feel like I’m being a cry baby when I tell you my problems or that I have been through a lot.
  • I think too much.
  • I give good advice, but never know what to do.
  • I can never explain how I’m feeling, I just know what i feel.
  • I confuse everyone around me.
  • I dont understand things.
  • I’m never right.
  • I never know what I want.
  • I dont like showing my emotions.
  • I never make any sense.
  • I care too much about certain things.
  • I listen to other peoples minds and not mine.
  • I feel like everything I say is wrong, so decide not to say anything at all even when I know that I could be right.
  • I put a smile on my face as if I’m happy.
  • I bottle everything up, so when I try to vent it just sounds like im making everything up.
  • I actually don’t know how to avoid being clingy.
  • I can’t hold a grudge. I forgive too quickly.
  • I’m seriously such an idiot sometimes. Not even joking, I’m always scatterbrained and off in la la land. Half the time I don’t even understand what’s going on around me until hours later. I always make the dumbest mistakes and have to ask a million questions about how to do something so I don’t do it wrong, and even then sometimes I still do. Sometimes I really wonder….do I just not think? What is wrong with me?
  • I’m childish.
  • I force myself to do things. And that’s what causes stress and tears and heartbreaks.
  • I really don’t know how to stand up for myself. I’m a pushover.
  • I cry at almost any little thing that get’s me upset.
  • I get jealous easily.

(CTO)

Thoughts…late post…

Dapat ka kagabi ko pa ito ipopost. But I don’t time e. Kaya eto ngayon nalang :))

Hay.

Hindi mawala sa isip ko advice nung babaeng yun sa kanya at nagtataka ako bakit niya kailangan tanungin yun? Sinabi niya sa akin na tinanong niya yun kasi feeling niya hindi ko na siya mahal. Pero hindi ako na satisfy sa reason niya. Ewan ko sa kanya. Hindi siya naniniwala sakin na mahal na mahal ko siya. Feeling niya ipagpapalit ko siya sa iba. Hay.

Dumagdag pa yung babaeng yun. Yung babaeng nagadvice sa kanya. Hindi ko na sasabihin yung in-advice niya. Basta naiinis ako sa kanya. Wala siyang alam. Banat agad ng banat. Kasura!

 

Bad mood ako kagabi dahil dyan. Ang dami tuloy pumasok sa isip ko…

 

Kailan kaya mawawala yung doubt between us?

Unsaid Feelings..

Maraming akong nababasang stories about life, family, love and friendship. And honestly inilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa kalagayan ng Bida. Naiingit kasi ako sa buhay ng mga bida.
I want their life. Yung almost perfect na. Pero alam ko namang iba ang isang story sa reality. Malayong malayo..

Masaya naman ako,kasi I have my boyfriend. Even though na minsan hindi niya ako naiintindihan. He’s too young. He’s 16 and I’m 19. Laki ng difference diba?

Something is missing in my life. A perfect HAPPY FAMILY. Nung bata ako, masaya naman ako.. Really happy. Kasi, may mama, papa, ate,kuya,ako,bunso,. But sandali lang yun. Nawala din agad. Naghiwalay ang parents ko. Hindi ko alam ang dahilan.. Until now, medyo magulo pa din.

Dito na nagstart ang buhay ko without my parents. Papa ko may ibang pamilya na yung mama ko naman nagtatrabaho sa ibang bansa. Life was never been so easy for me. At early age.. Nakaranas agad ako ng hirap.

Nasasaktan ko sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Open ako. Maliban sa totoong nararamdaman ko. Pinipilit kong itago yung sakit and then magpepretend na okay ako, na masaya ako, yung walang problema.
Ayokong maawa sila sakin. Ayokong malungkot sila dahil sa problema ko.

Pero sabi nga nila, minsan.. Kailangan mo ding ilabas ang tunay na nararamdaman mo. Nagawa ko ilabas yung mga hinanakit ko. At alam mo kung anong nararamdaman ko? NAHIHIYA AKO! DAHIL ALAM KO, NANDIDIRI SILA SAKIN! ALAM KONG PINAG-UUSAPAN NILA AKO BEHIND MAY BACK. At hindi ko nalang pinapansin yon.

 

Dahil kahit kelan hinding hindi nila ako maiintindihan. Walang kahit sino man ang makakaintindi sakin sa nararamdaman ko. Even my own family. My boyfriend. NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME! NO ONE!